I just turned 37 and Never really wanted kids but as I am getting older I am getting worried that there isn’t much time left for me to have any. I feel that it is time to grow-up and become an adult woman. My sister has two kids and I have a lot of fun with them and want one of my own. I am definatley not a normal girl as I am divorced and living with a man for 6 years who just turned 60. He has a 27 year son. I also had my tubes tied when I was 27. So as you can tell, I have quite a few decisions to make and want to get my life in order. As a person who was sexually abused from age 8 I tend to be uptight and sometimes cold. I also don’t want to grow old and alone! Please offer your advice.”
It’s true that with every passing year it gets more difficult to become pregnant and to carry a pregnancy to term. Plus the quality of a man’s sperm also declines with age. More and more evidence is emerging that shows that aging sperm can have an effect on a future child’s health, which is something you should research and consider, too. Surgery to reverse a tubal ligation is available, but how simple and effective it is will depend on your own individual surgery and circumstances. So talk to a surgeon who specializes in tubal reversal about how complicated surgery would be for you, and what your chances of conceiving afterwards would be. That will help you decide if you think reversal surgery might be worth it.
While you explore this option, also consider exploring fostering a child or children through your local department of social services. Helping abused kids might help you put your own abuse behind you, give you some hands-on experience with children and do good for kids who really could use your help, no surgery required.
As you weigh these decisions, also keep in mind the reality that having kids — biological, foster or otherwise– is no guarantee of having companionship in old age. Some kids keep in contact with their parents as adults and care for them in old age, and some simply don’t. Some kids will grow into adults that are good company, others might grow up and like completely different things than you do. A better bet for the “old and alone” worry is to start planning now for your retirement and old age financially, and to also to work on maintaining an active social life for yourself, outside of family and romantic relationships and made up of people who share your interests and whose company you enjoy. Financial stability and planning will also have the bonus side effect of conferring upon you real, adult grownup-hood.