Help! I’m Pregnant and My Husband Doesn’t Help Enough!

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My hubby and I just found out we were pregnant a few weeks ago and my first trimester symptoms are really kicking in. I feel like I have the flu and I am so tired and nauseous all the time. The housework is barely getting done. I work 40 hrs a week plus I have two other children. He gets so upset if he has to fold clothes or do a load of dishes. I can’t get him to understand how exhausted I am. He’s been to one of my drs appts with me but still doesn’t seem to get it. What can I do?”

Every family has their own system for dividing household labors, which in the best case is a system based on what everyone’s good at and dislikes doing the least. But there will always be times when someone needs to pitch in and do the chores they don’t ordinarily do. You wouldn’t sulk if he broke his foot and you had to take the trash out, for instance.

What would happen if, the next time you had a wave of nausea or a hormone headache, you just told him, “I’m sorry, I have got to go lie down/kneel over the toilet bowl/put my head between my knees now. Would you be the best husband ever and keep an eye on the kids and throw in a load of laundry for me, please?” and just went to the bathroom or bedroom and shut the door?

It takes a real jerk to get upset at a reasonable request, and you didn’t marry a jerk, right? Plus eventually he will need to wear clothes or eat off of a plate himself. He’s a grown man, most likely he won’t go nude or starve.

When you’re ready to get up, tell him you’re feeling better, thanks, thank him for doing what needs to be done and that you’re looking forward to this trimester’s pregnancy symptoms easing up (which should happen in the next trimester).

Three suggestions, though: only ask him to do what really needs to be done, don’t expect all tasks to be done to your standards, and thank him for his efforts when and if he makes them, even if you’re disappointed at his level of effort. Thanking him may or may not get him to do more, but being critical will probably compel him to do less.

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