Q. My husband and I are separated and I am due to deliver our 2nd child in November. This last Saturday at his visitation with our daughter we got into a argument over the stuff that he stole from me that I got at my wedding shower. I don’t think it was right for him to shove me out of the way. I have told my mother that when I go to the hospital for my C-section he’s not allowed to be in the delivery room with me. I want to know if the hospital will let me do this.”
Yes, during a c-section, most hospitals allow a patient to have only one person accompany the mother-to-be into the operating room anyway. This is to reduce the risk of germs and also because a c-section requires a pretty big staff: an obstetrician, several labor and delivery nurses, an anaesthetician, plus a small team to tend to the newborn. Extra people in the room pose a risk of getting in the way. Married or not, the person you choose to have in the room should be whomever you think will be the most comforting, soothing and supportive. Choosing your mom to be that person is more than reasonable.
As for your ex, stealing and shoving are not okay. As soon as the baby’s born and you’re feeling better plan to with a mediator or lawyer (or both of your lawyers) to make sure you have a formal agreement for custody and child support filed with your local court for both kids. For babies, short and frequent visits are best, such as an hour or two a few times a week between feedings, with overnights phased in after baby is weaned. If he steals or is violent towards you and the kids record the date and time and consider reporting it to the police and filing for an emergency change of custody.
For now, at least until you have all of the legal details worked out, it makes sense to be firm-yet-polite about your labor and delivery choice. How about something like, “I’ve chosen my mom be the one in the operating room with me because only one person is allowed in, but I will let you know as soon as the baby’s born.”